Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Why Some People Feel Alone, Even in a Group

Good day, everyone.

I was talking with a friend earlier, and she told me, "I'll be happy when I move," and, "I hate being lonely."  Interestingly enough, though perhaps not surprising to some, she did not live alone.

I responded about how unfortunate it is of how lonely you can get even when people are around.  She attributed it to them not being the same or having to 'act different'.

This struck me as flawed immediately.

I denied those issues, that they were not the cause.  I said more, and in reflection I did not know where it came from, but knew that they needed to be heard by more people.  My friend also told me that others needed to hear it, without my suggesting it... hence, the reason for this post.  What I said would probably fit in 3-4 lines; what follows is a bit longer, as I am trying to clarify it.

The cause of feeling lonely around people is that people often act in ways that are not very approving.  You do not approve of them or their behavior, so you do not trust them.   

This can emanate from your own undue prejudice, in cases where they have not behaved in a way that they should not have.

When this is not the case (and sometimes, even when it is), it is because you feel that they judged someone or something wrongly, so you judge them in an attempt to protect yourself.  This arises out of how you perceive their behavior, in that in some of your past experiences with them, that they have not been approving of you or of some aspect(s) about you, whether you have revealed them or not.  Similarly, it may be that you feel that they have not been approving of other people, behaviors, traditions, attributes, or whatever else without good reason, without justification.   

Your conformity, the conformity of other people, or the lack thereof, is not the problem.  That is never the problem.

The problem is the unwillingness to embrace, accept, or even allow the unavoidable, which is that people are, and shall be, different.

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